Living Unshakable GRIT in Relationships

When I finally admitted I was an alcoholic, so many of my relationships were already broken. I had lost trust, pushed people away, and burned more bridges than I could count. And I had to face a hard truth: before I could rebuild with others, I had to first learn how to have a relationship with myself.

I once heard a man in recovery say, “I knew I was ready for a relationship when I didn’t need a relationship.” That hit me hard. Because at the time, I was desperate for distractions, friendships, work connections, even casual relationships, anything to keep me from sitting with myself. But what I really needed was to pause and do the inner work.

And here’s the thing: this isn’t just about romantic relationships. It’s about all relationships, family, friendships, coworkers, even strangers I pass in the store. The way people responded to me often reflected how I was showing up. When I carried unspoken expectations, I constantly felt disappointed, not because people were failing me, but because I wasn’t being honest about what I needed. My relationships became a mirror, showing me where I still had work to do.

In early sobriety, I realized how often I wanted others to fix me, to meet needs I couldn’t even articulate. And when they didn’t, I told myself the same story over and over: If I want anything done right, I have to do it myself. But the truth was, I never gave people a fair chance. I expected them to read my mind. And when they couldn’t, I lived in disappointment.

Here’s what GRIT has taught me about relationships of every kind:

• Growth: I stop blaming others for my pain and own my part.

• Resilience: I keep showing up, even when I feel unworthy of connection.

• Integrity: I let my actions and words line up, so people can trust me again.

• Tenacity: I stay in the hard conversations instead of running or numbing.

What I’ve learned is this: healthy relationships don’t come from expecting others to complete me. They come from doing the inner work so I can show up as whole, honest, and willing. Only then can I build a circle of relationships that are steady, loving, and real.

If relationships feel heavy for you, here’s a question from the 30-Day GRIT Challenge that might help:
What expectations have I placed on someone that is causing me pain?

Because sometimes the tension in our relationships isn’t about them at all, it’s about what we never said out loud.