Part 3 of my GRIT Framework: Integrity

I’ll never forget sitting in an AA meeting when a guy named Bobby, who had some learning disabilities, said something that hit me like a ton of bricks:

“It doesn’t matter what I say in this hour. It matters what I do and say in the other 23 hours of the day.”

Wow. That was deep. Because he was right. Anyone can sit for an hour, put on their best face, and act like they’ve got it together. But it’s the other 23 hours,  the hours when nobody’s watching, that tells the real story.

That’s when I realized: if I wanted to be the person my dogs think I am, my words had to match my actions.

For years, I told my partner I’d quit drinking. I wanted to. I meant it in my heart. But my actions didn’t line up. Every broken promise left me drowning in more shame and guilt. Sobriety showed me real quick, I didn’t get sober to keep doing the same old shit and expecting different results.

One day, a couple years into sobriety, I opened the mailbox and saw a letter from the IRS. My first thought? Write “THIS PERSON NO LONGER RESIDES HERE” and put it back. My second thought? Don’t open it. If I don’t see it, it can’t hurt me. So I let it sit on my counter for two days.

But Bobby’s words kept echoing in my head: “It’s the other 23 hours that matter.”

Was this really who I wanted to be? Someone still running from the truth? Of course not. So I opened it. Slap in the face: I owed $8,000 in back taxes.

I picked up the phone. Worked out a payment plan. The IRS lady told me: “Don’t ever miss or be late. If they come knocking twice, they’re not so nice the second time.” Message received. I promised her, and myself , I’d not only make the payments, but if I could pay extra, I would.

And I did. What should’ve taken 7 years to pay off, I knocked out in 3.

Here’s what surprised me: it wasn’t just about money. Every time I wrote that check — every time I sent in more than the minimum — I wasn’t just paying off debt. I was building trust in myself. My actions finally matched my words. And with that came something I hadn’t felt in years: self-respect.

That’s integrity. Not a perfect life. Not lip service. Just choosing, day after day, to let your actions tell the truth your words claim.

Where in your life do you need your words and actions to finally match up?