The Dogs

There was a time in my life when I wasn’t afraid of losing my job, my house, or my reputation.
I was afraid of losing my dogs.

Not because I didn’t care about the rest of it.
But because I had already lost so much of myself that they were the only things I still felt worthy of loving.

People saw me as strong.
Driven.
Independent.
A woman who got things done.

But inside, I was drinking my way through every feeling I didn’t want to face.
I wasn’t falling apart all at once.
I was slowly collapsing in ways no one could see.

And the only living beings who still loved me without conditions
were the ones curled up at my feet.

That was the moment I understood something I had never let myself see before.

Rock bottom isn’t always dramatic.
Sometimes it’s quiet.
Sometimes it’s private.
Sometimes it looks like a life that still works on the outside.

The pause didn’t save my life.
It just gave me the space to choose not to lose it.

Reflection:
What is the one thing you cannot stand to lose,a and does it make you pause or numb out?

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