Growth – The Day I Stopped Blaming
For most of my life, it was easier to point the finger outward than to take ownership. My unhappiness always seemed tied to what was happening outside of me — people, the economy, circumstances I couldn’t control. I told myself, once I get this, then I’ll finally be happy.
When I first started in billboard advertising, I remember thinking, if I can just make $30,000 this year, I’ll never want for anything else. Then it was $50,000. Then more. I hit those numbers and kept raising the bar, but the outcome was always the same: the happiness I thought I was chasing never showed up.
For years, I also told myself that my problems were because of other people or bad breaks. If the economy hadn’t crashed, if my boss had treated me differently, if my long-term partner would just leave me alone about my drinking — then life would have turned out better. That mindset kept me stuck, because as long as I was blaming someone or something else, I didn’t have to face my own part in the story.
And here’s the truth: if I wasn’t able to own my part, I didn’t have the power to change it. Blame kept me powerless. But once I started taking responsibility — even for the hard, ugly truths — I found strength I didn’t know I had.
For me, owning my part looked like finally admitting, I’m an alcoholic, and my drinking is destroying my life. It looked like admitting the debt I was in wasn’t just “bad luck” but the result of choices I had made. To really see the truth, I started writing down those choices — every decision, every pattern — that had led me to where I was. It wasn’t easy, but once it was on paper, I couldn’t deny it anymore. Those were brutal truths to face — but the moment I stopped pretending it was everyone else’s fault, I finally had the power to do something about it.
The turning point came when I had to face the truth — I was an alcoholic, and I needed help. Losing everything, standing in financial ruins, stripped away every excuse I had. For the first time, I stopped blaming and started owning. I realized that peace didn’t come from the next milestone, paycheck, or external achievement. It came from taking responsibility for my part and choosing to live fully in the present moment.
That was the day Growth began for me. Not because I hit a goal, but because I stopped running from myself.
Takeaway for You:
If you’re waiting for “someday” to bring you happiness, stop. The job, the relationship, the money — none of it will fix what’s unsettled inside. Growth starts the moment you stop pointing the finger and ask yourself, What part do I have in this? That question is uncomfortable, but it’s also freeing. Because when you own your part, you take back your power.
Today’s GRIT Question:
Where in my life am I still pointing the finger — and what would change if I owned my part instead?
Try This:
Take ten minutes and write down the choices you’ve made that led you to where you are today. Don’t judge them, don’t edit them — just see them on paper. Awareness is the first step. That’s where change begins.
