The Smile That Made Me Mad

I was sitting in an AA meeting one night, crying my eyes out.
Life was heavy. Bills were stacked. My sobriety felt like a fight I was losing. I remember thinking, how the hell did I end up here again. I was tired. Worn down. Done pretending I was okay.

Across the table sat this woman. She kept smiling and nodding her head while I was falling apart. I was angry. Why is she smiling. Nothing I said was funny. I actually wanted to reach across the table and slap that smile right off her face.

When I finished, the room shifted. People started taking turns talking, offering the usual hope and advice that we pass around in those rooms. They meant well, but I wasn’t really hearing any of it. My head was stuck on her. That damn smile.

When it was finally her turn to speak, she looked right at me and said,
“I love when we share the pain and tell on ourselves because that’s when real growth happens. This is the fight we live every day. When we show up and face it instead of drinking it away.”

Something in me cracked open.

I realized she wasn’t smiling at my pain. She was smiling because she knew that kind of pain. The kind that almost breaks you but still brings you into the room. She was smiling because she had been there too.

That night, nothing about my life magically got better. I was still broke. Still scared. Still trying to figure out how to stay sober and keep the lights on. But I walked out with something I hadn’t felt in a long time. A little pride.

Because I showed up.
I didn’t drink.
I told the truth.
And for that night, that was enough.

Here’s what I’ve learned since then. Growth doesn’t always come dressed in clarity or comfort. Sometimes it shows up as tears and confusion and a stranger’s smile that pisses you off before it sets you free.

If you’re in the middle of your own fight right now, keep showing up. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You don’t even have to feel strong. Just don’t quit before you see the reason behind your pain. The breakdown might be your breakthrough.

And if something’s been eating at you, find one person you trust and talk about it. The second you speak it out loud, it starts to lose its grip on you.

Reflection: What’s one thing you’ve been running from that’s asking you to face it today?

If life feels heavy, remember: showing up is winning. Rebuild your GRIT one day at a time through the free 5-Day GRIT Challenge and the Unshakable Grit book.