Why Not You
I overheard one of my dear friends talking to someone in early sobriety years ago. He had several years sober and was listening to this young woman who was just starting out. She was pouring her heart out about everything that had gone wrong in her life. Then she said, why does this keep happening to me. Without hesitation, he looked at her and said, why not you.
That moment stopped me in my tracks. It was one of those lines that hit deep. His response told me something I needed to hear early on in my own sobriety. I am not unique from bad shit happening. I’m not special enough to be spared from life’s hard stuff. For so long, I carried this attitude of why me. Why do I have to go through this. But the truth is, why not me. What makes me so different that I shouldn’t have to face all the hard and horrible tragedies that life throws at us.
That one question, why not you, cracked something open in me. Because underneath my why me was a belief that life was supposed to be fair, that pain meant I was being punished. But life isn’t fair, and it isn’t unfair either. It just is. What matters is how I walk through it.
Why not you has two sides of the coin. It can mean, why not you when things fall apart, but it can also mean, why not you when something good is waiting on the other side. Both sides take courage to face, one asks you to endure, the other asks you to believe you’re worthy.
For a long time, I didn’t feel worthy of good things either. I’ve told myself, I’m not enough, or I don’t deserve it. Take writing my book for example. Writing it wasn’t the hard part. Hitting the publish button was. That’s when the voice in my head got loud. Who do you think you are to publish a book. You’re not Brené Brown, James Clear, or Tony Robbins. You’re nowhere close.
Then another voice spoke up. Why not you.
Yeah. Why not me.
So I hit publish.
That moment changed everything for me. Because why not you isn’t just a question. It’s a challenge. It’s a wake-up call. It’s life saying, step up, you belong here too.
This is where GRIT shows up for me. Growth reminds me that every hard or painful thing in life has something to teach me if I’m willing to listen instead of resist it. Resilience helps me get back up when I’m knocked down, even when I don’t feel like it. Integrity keeps me honest about what’s really going on inside, the fears, the pride, the stories I tell myself to avoid the truth. And Tenacity is the part of me that pushes through the doubt and hits publish anyway.
I go through those four words as my check up from the neck up. They aren’t just words I whisper to calm myself down. They push me to be real with myself. They challenge me to look at what’s in my way and what part I play in keeping myself stuck. Growth, Resilience, Integrity, and Tenacity. They’re my daily gut check. They remind me that I always have a choice to work through what’s trying to hold me back from becoming my better self. Sometimes that means having the grit to face fear, self-doubt, or even the voice that tells me I can’t. It can be as simple as having the grit to hit publish, or as hard as working through the mess inside me until I do.
Today, when something bad happens, I remind myself, why not me. And when something good shows up that feels too big or too good to be true, I remind myself again, why not me.
Because the truth is, life’s going to happen either way. The real power is in how I choose to show up for it.
Reflection: Where in your life do you need to stop asking why me and start saying why not me.
Growth. Resilience. Integrity. Tenacity.
That’s how you turn why me into why not me.
Start your journey with the Free 5 Day Grit Challenge.
