When Expectations Steal Your Peace

For most of my life, I had expectations on everything and everyone.

People. Jobs. Relationships. Outcomes.

And when those expectations weren’t met, which was most of the time, I was left feeling empty, angry, or disappointed. Sometimes all three.

I used to tell myself that if people just acted the way I thought they should, or if life would finally go my way, then I’d be happy. I’d find peace. But it never worked that way.

When I was drinking, I always had motives. I expected things to make me feel whole. If I could just get that job, make that money, or buy that thing, then I’d finally be okay. And when I finally got what I thought I wanted, I was still the same person on the inside, restless and searching. So, I’d move the goalpost again.

“Well, that wasn’t it. Maybe it’s the next thing.”

That cycle kept me stuck for years. Chasing external wins, hoping one of them would fill a hole that could only be filled by acceptance.

Here’s what I know now: expectations are premeditated disappointments. When I put expectations on people, places, or things, I’m handing over my peace and waiting for someone else to give it back.

A few years ago, I created a slogan I was really proud of and had my artist design a few mockups. I couldn’t wait to show my mom. I emailed them over and told her to call me as soon as she looked at them. When she called, she said she didn’t like some of the designs.

I went to bed that night angry. I started spiraling in my thoughts. She never likes what I do. She’s always critical. She doesn’t support me.” And the more I let those thoughts play, the heavier I felt.

But over the years of sobriety, I’ve learned something powerful. When I get stuck in those feelings, I ask myself one simple question:

What part do I have in what I’m feeling right now?

The truth was simple. I had expectations on how she should respond. I wanted her to love it. I wanted her to be as excited as I was. When she wasn’t, it pissed me off.

Once I saw my part in it, I could own it. And when I own what I’m feeling, I have the power to let it go.
My mom didn’t cause my reaction, my expectation did.

The truth is, peace doesn’t come from the outcome. It comes from acceptance.
Acceptance doesn’t mean I have to like what’s happening, it just means I stop fighting reality.
People are who they are. Situations are what they are. And I can still choose how I respond.

That’s where my GRIT shows up.

Growth is seeing where my expectations come from and how they keep me stuck.
Resilience is standing back up when life doesn’t go my way, instead of staying bitter.
Integrity is making sure my words match my actions, even when I’m disappointed.
Tenacity is refusing to let unmet expectations steal my peace.

I’ve learned that freedom isn’t getting what I want, it’s staying grounded when I don’t.

If you find yourself upset, disappointed, or frustrated with someone, pause for a second and ask yourself:

What part do I have in what I’m feeling right now?

That question brings me right back to my side of the street every time.

Here’s something simple you can try today.

Think about a situation that’s bothering you. Maybe someone didn’t react the way you hoped, or something didn’t turn out how you thought it would.

Write down what you expected to happen. Be honest, maybe you expected someone to thank you, support you, or finally see your point.

Then write down what actually happened. Maybe they didn’t notice, didn’t respond, or said something that hurt you.

Look at those two things side by side. That space between what you wanted and what really happened, that’s where your frustration lives.

That’s the gap that keeps stealing your peace.

Once you see it, you can do something about it. You can stop expecting people to fill your needs the way you think they should. You can start accepting them, and situations, for what they are.

That’s where freedom comes in. That’s where the weight starts to lift.

You don’t have to change anyone else today. Just take back your power by seeing your part, owning your feelings, and letting go of what you can’t control.

You’ll end the day a little lighter.